"Cocooning"

The end of our adoption journey is almost here, but the real journey of attaching and bonding as a family of six will begin. We would love your prayers for the Lord to supernaturally knit all of our hearts together and to ease the transition for Dottie. 

We are very thankful for all the ways so many people have supported our family since we first announced our adoption. I know that lots of people are anxious to get their hands on Dottie....and I don't blame you because she is adorable! However, when we initially bring Dottie into our home, we are going to experience a time of "cocooning." Cocooning is an adoption buzz word, which describes a very intensive care season, in which mom and dad are not only the primary caregivers, but the only ones to hold, feed, change, touch, rock and play with baby. We won't be introducing new people (even family), and we will be simplifying our schedules so we can be at home as much as possible.  We will be keeping her world very small, predictable, and simple. A child's ability to attach to new parents is much more easily accomplished when there's no one else around to bond with. 

From birth, our biological babies have always felt secure and loved because we have been "bonding" with them from the moment they entered the world and even before then throughout pregnancy. Sadly, Dottie hasn't felt this sort of attachment to consistent caregivers so we have to build her trust and help heal little losses in her soul. We know God can restore and redeem the lost time with our baby girl, who we haven't had the privilege of knowing since birth. We are so thankful He sets the lonely in families.

The cocooning process allows the children to understand that mom and dad will meet their needs. It allows the children to be acclimated to the new environment with minimal overstimulation. Dottie won't know what a mom or dad is. This "cocooning" process will be new to us too. We will use this time to teach her what any biological 2 year old already knows- mom and dad love you and will respond to you when you cry and have a need. Dottie is already used to being passed around and having multiple people respond to her needs- we need to teach her who we are are and that you can't go to just anyone to have needs met- this will allow for her to set up healthy boundaries for the future.  Developing trust and security is the first building block in a child's social-emotional development.

It may seem harsh to not pass her around, or bring her to church for the first few months, or allow others (even family) to hold and kiss her, but we know that the best interest of our daughter is for her to know that mom and dad are the ones who give affection and care for her most. This season of life will be a hard transition for everyone, but we know this is the best decision for Dottie. We must sacrifice a little time now to allow her to transition to her new world in a healthy way.

How long? Until we are confident that Dottie knows us and is attaching to us, we won't step out of the cocoon. This season of life will not last forever, but it is a process. Brian and I know that although this will be hard, this is the best option for Dottie. 

Thanks you for your patience, understanding, grace, and prayers as we all transition. 

"God sets the lonely in families...."  Psalm 68:6